Bad Teachers
by Babe Ruthless
Summary: Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Oh my... Buffy/Spike Xander/Anya Willow/Tara. Please read summary inside.
1. When Does School Get Out Again?

**So I was watching Bad Teacher the other day and wondered what the movie Bad Teacher would be like with the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. And then I started thinking about what it would be like if they all taught at a school like I go to (and trust me, my school-teachers included-is really fucked up. Seriously. You have no idea the shit that goes on at my school.). And then this fic was born! **

**So, here's the thing. I'm stuck in a bit of a rut with my other fic that I'm working on, and I always find it easier to find new ideas for a story when I start working on another one, just for fun. So this is my just for fun fic! I can't say how often this will be updated, but I'll try my best to update often. If you find anything that isn't correct, just pm me or tell me in a review. I'm up to season four of Buffy (I'm watching all the episodes online currently) and if you find anything that isn't correct, or can be changed, just tell me. I'm human. I make mistakes…sometimes lol. I'm not sure how long each chapter will be. I try for at least a thousand words per chapter, but sometimes I go over that, and sometimes I'm just a little bit under. Also, this really probably won't have much a plot. Probably will just be random shenanigans and situations that amuse me, with perhaps just a little plot thrown in.**

**Summary (or premise…which ever you'd prefer):**** Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Buffy Summers is the guidance counselor who really fucking hates her job (and the history teacher…her cheating ex-fiance Liam 'Angel' O'Connor), Giles is the enthusiastic about his job librarian, Xander the gym teacher, Willow the lesbian computer's teacher, Tara (Willow's lover) the algebra/calc/trig teacher, Anya the incredibly blunt and sexual health/life skills (home economics) teacher, and William 'Spike' Pratt…the new, hot English (as in from England), English teacher, who's got his eye on Buffy, and knows she's secretly eye fucking-I mean, got her eye on him too. And don't forget about Faith, the slutty biology teacher. In addition to a multitude of other characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, what trouble will these teachers get into? Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Drunken rants in the middle of class? Oh my…Follow them throughout the school year and see what happens.**

_**Rated M for use of drugs (nothing hard…just some good ol' Mary-Jane…not that I do that…seriously, I don't. My friends do and sometimes I'm with them when they do it, but I don't.) and alcohol, some sexual situations (nothing too explicit…I'm not quite comfortable writing sex scenes). Also rated M for very strong language.**_

First Day of School

"But Ms. Summers, we were so totally and completely in love with each other, I can't understand why he would break up with me! Is there something wrong with me? Is it something I did?"

Buffy Summers resisted the urge to bang her head repeatedly on her desk as she stared at the crying teenage girl in front of her. The girl-her name, what was her name? She'd said it earlier-had been sobbing to her all about her and her boyfriend's break-up for the last half hour. Buffy had tried to listen as much as she could-after all, she did know something about nasty break-ups.

"Listen, Miss…" Buffy trailed off and the girl looked at her.

"Kendall. Harmony Kendall." The girl-Harmony-sniffed out.

"Listen Harmony. Guys are jerks. Sometimes they do things that make absolutely no sense to us, like breaking up with you, or leaving you for sluts with fake, abnormally large breasts, who put their make-up on with a paint brush, dress like a prostitute, and have the personality of a dead opossum." Harmony looked a bit taken aback by her rant. Buffy inhaled sharply, thinking of her former fiancé and coworker, Angel. Stupid fucking bastard. She shook her head. "I can't explain why he broke up with you, but I'm sure you'll be better for it in the long run."

"You think so?" Harmony sniffed.

"Yes, I do." Just like she was better off without having Angel as her stupid fucking cheating asshole husband. No matter how much it hurt right now, knowing that he was going home every night-to the apartment that _they _had lived in together before she had found out he was cheating on her-and fucking that whore Darla in what was formally _their _bed. God, how she hated that dumb cunt!

"Okay." Harmony exhaled, and wiped her red-rimmed eyes. "Thanks for listening, Ms. Summers."

"It's my job." Buffy said with a tight smile. She grabbed the pad of little blue passes and quickly scribbled it in. She ripped it off and handed it to Harmony. "Here's a pass for your class. Mr. Pratt, English III, right?"

"Yep." Harmony smiled a little bit at the blue pass. "That Mr. Pratt-he's sure something isn't he?"

"He sure is." Buffy agreed. If by something, she meant totally fucking, mouth wateringly hot, and ridiculously sexy, then yes, he sure was something. Buffy felt a twinge of lust as she thought of the English (literally, English. He had just moved here from England this summer.) teacher. But she pushed it back. She wasn't going to get involved with any member of the staff this year. She had learned her lesson in that area last year. "Now go to class."

"Okay." Harmony stood up. "Thanks Ms. Summers. I'll come by whenever if I ever need to talk to someone about my problems again." She walked out of Buffy's office, shutting the door behind her.

Buffy dropped her head down on her desk. "Fuck. My. Life." She moaned. God, how she hated this job. _I need a drink, _she thought miserably, and resisted the urge to take a sip from the bottle of vodka she kept hidden in the false bottom of her desk.

How many days until school got out again?

**{Page Break}**

William 'Spike' Pratt stared at the classroom full of morons in front of him. They stared back at him blankly, disinterestedly. Dear God. Why had he become a teacher again?

He'd thought he'd done it for all the right reasons. Shorter hours. Summers off. No accountability*. He'd forgotten that there was actually work involved with it.

Oh well. Time to man up.

"So, welcome to English III." He began, leaning back on the edge of his desk. "I'm your teacher, Mr. Pratt. 'An I'm English too, if you haven't already noticed."

Blank stares continued to stare back at him. Spike sighed and thought about how badly he needed a drink.

How long until school got out?

**Review please! The next chapter should be up…sometime within the next week or so, possibly later. I have three softball games this week, two of them are double headers, so I don't know if I'll have time this week. So maybe next weekend would be better.**

**XOXO Ruthless;-)**


	2. A Beautiful Friendship

**So here it is…chapter two. Thank you to ****MaireAilbhe ****for reviewing last chapter and favoriting the story. Also, I forgot to do this last chapter, so here it goes: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. It all belongs to Joss Whedon. Sadly. 'Cus if I owned it…quite a few changes would be made *cough cough Angel would be staked cough cough*.**

**Summary (or premise…which ever you'd prefer):**** Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Buffy Summers is the guidance counselor who really fucking hates her job (and the history teacher…her cheating ex-fiancé Liam 'Angel' O'Connor), Giles is the enthusiastic about his job librarian, Xander the gym teacher, Willow the lesbian computer's teacher, Tara (Willow's lover) the algebra/calc/trig teacher, Anya the incredibly blunt and sexual health/life skills (home economics) teacher, and William 'Spike' Pratt…the new, hot English (as in from England), English teacher, who's got his eye on Buffy, and knows she's secretly eye fucking-I mean, got her eye on him too. And don't forget about Faith, the slutty biology teacher. In addition to a multitude of other characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, what trouble will these teachers get into? Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Drunken rants in the middle of class? Oh my…Follow them throughout the school year and see what happens.**

_**Rated M for use of drugs (nothing hard…just some good ol' Mary-Jane…not that I do that…seriously, I don't. My friends do and sometimes I'm with them when they do it, but I don't.) and alcohol, some sexual situations (nothing too explicit…I'm not quite comfortable writing sex scenes). Also rated M for very strong language.**_

First Day of School, part two. Lunch time.

_Awkward Moments in the Staff Room_

The atmosphere in the staff room was awkward.

Very, very awkward.

From her seat on the couch by the window, Buffy glared at Angel, who was sitting at the table, eating his lunch-a sandwich. Buffy knew for a fact that Angel never made his own lunches to take to work with him-he always had had Buffy make them for him when they were together, and for some reason, Buffy had never had a problem with this. Now, however, she realized that it pissed her off a lot that she had had to do that for him. Couldn't he make his own fucking sack lunch in the morning before he left to work? Undoubtedly, he probably had his new whore girlfriend Darla make them for him now. Asshole.

Beside Buffy sat Willow Rosenburg, her good friend since high school, also her coworker-Willow taught computers. Next to Willow was Willow's girlfriend Tara Maclay, who taught three different math classes-Algebra, Calculus, and Trigonometry. The two chatted with each other, not daring to show any sort of affection to one another while at work-something they both deemed would be inappropriate.

However, in the corner, Xander Harris-the gym teacher-and his fiancée Anya Jenkins-the health and life skills teacher-had no such qualms about showing affection with one another while at work. The two were practically making out, both of their lunches long forgotten. Buffy was good friends with Xander-who had gone to high school and college with Buffy and Willow as well-and Buffy was slowly becoming better friends with his incredibly blunt and honest fiancé.

Buffy smiled as Rupert Giles, the librarian, sat down on her other side. Giles had worked at Sunnydale High since before Buffy had been a student there, and he had always had a soft spot for Buffy, Willow, and Xander. Buffy got the feeling that the older man was lonely-up until Spike had moved to Sunnydale, he had been the only Englishman in Sunnydale-and that he considered the three of them to be some of his closest friends-something which the three also considered him to be.

"Hi Giles." Buffy said, smiling at him.

"Hello, my dear. How is your first day of school going so far?" Giles, unlike Buffy, actually enjoyed his job, whereas Buffy abso-fucking-lutely hated hers.

"Wonderful." Buffy rolled her eyes. "How many days until school gets out again?"

Giles chuckled. "I'm afraid you've got some time to go before school is out again."

"Too long." Buffy sighed.

Giles opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as the door to the staff room flew open and in strode the new English teacher, Spike Pratt. Buffy couldn't help but stare at him-he was incredibly handsome, with fair skin, high cheekbones, blue eyes that would make any girl melt into a puddle at his feet, and a scar on his right eyebrow. His hair was platinum blonde-Buffy was sure that he bleached it-and slicked back. He was reasonably tall-he had to be at least six foot-and from the way his black t-shirt clung to his chest, he was definitely ripped. He walked with a cocky swagger that was both irritating and weirdly attractive. Dressed in completely black, he stopped in the middle of the staff room, and looked around. His gaze landed on Buffy.

"You. You're the guidance counselor 'ere, right?" He said to her in his velvet voice.

"Yep." Buffy stood up. "Can I help you with something?"

"Yeah. We're supposed to give confiscated illegal items to you, right? Like drugs and all that fun-I mean, bad stuff? 'Cus I confiscated some weed and I don't know what to do with it?" Willow snorted at Spike's slip-up and Giles looked disapproving. Buffy bit back a smile as she answered.

"I can help you with that. Do you have it with you?"

"I left it back in my classroom. Come with me to get it pet?" Spike leered at the pretty guidance counselor. She sure was something, with her long blonde hair, golden skin, and green eyes, not to mention her smokin' hot body.

Buffy's body tingled as she felt Spike eyes on her. Oh boy, it had been a while since she'd gotten some action and her body was definitely in the mood for some-especially if it was Spike who was getting active with her.

No, no, no. She wasn't going to get involved with a coworker this year. Buffy glanced at Angel out of the corner of her eye, and gave herself a quick stern mental lecture. _You will not jump Spike's bones. You will not jump Spike bones. Bad Buffy for even thinking about it._

"Pet?" Spike's voice jerked her out of her thoughts.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Yeah, let's go." They both headed out of the staff room.

**{Page Break}**

"So how are you settling into life in Sunnydale?" Buffy broke the sexually tense silence as they stepped into Spike's classroom. The white walls were decorated with posters of Shakespeare's plays, and the occasional odd band poster-there was a poster for the Ramones near his desk, and by the window there was a poster for the Clash. His desk was in a state of disorganization, papers scattered all across it-but there were a couple photographs sitting on it. Probably of family and friends that were back in England, Buffy assumed.

"It's all right." Spike shrugged as he opened one of his desk drawers and pulled out a plastic baggy full of weed-a lot of weed, actually, Buffy noted. Enough weed that if she really wanted to, she could probably sell it, and make quite a lot of cash. But she didn't sell drugs-just occasionally smoked them. "My apartment is okay, even if it does overlook the cemetery, and I think Rupes enjoys having another Englishman here. The students are kind of stupid, though."

Any other teacher might have been appalled by his calling the students stupid, but Buffy just nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, they really are. When I first started working here, I was a teacher, but I couldn't stand how stupid they all were, so when the guidance counselor job opened up, I took it. I still hate my job, even though it does pay better."

Spike shrugged. "Yeah. I like teaching English and all-but I'd rather teach people who were actually interested in learning, y'know? I'd probably like teaching better then. Well, 'ere you go." He handed the baggie full of illicit drugs to Buffy, looking at it somewhat wistfully-which  
>Buffy did not miss.<p>

"Walk with me to my office. I'll show you what I do with it." Buffy said suddenly. Spike gave her an odd look, but followed her all the way to her office.

"Shut the door behind you." Buffy told him as she shut the blinds. "And lock it too."

"What are you doing?" he asked her as she bent down and opened her bottom desk drawer and removed the false bottom.

"Come here," Buffy gestured to him and he walked over. When he spotted the drawer-already filled with confiscated drugs and the bottle of vodka, he grinned.

"Well, well. Who would have known? Guidance counselors got a naughty side to her."  
>Spike drawled wickedly.<p>

Buffy smiled. "On really bad days, I lock myself in my office and smoke some of it. Or get really fucking drunk." She shrugged. "You're welcome to join me sometime, as long as you don't rat me out or steal it from me."

"Oh, Buffy." Spike grinned as he used her name for the first time since meeting her. "I think you and I are going to have a beautiful friendship."

**AN: Tell me what you think in a review please. Seriously. Please review. It's really disheartening when only one person reviews. So review please.**

**XOXO Ruthless **


	3. On a Scale of One to Smashed

**So, here is chapter three. Thank you to MaireAilbhe, Star Anise, foxiebabygirlygirl, Spike's Real Lover, Spike is the BIG BAD, and tlingit gurl2010 for reviewing. I really appreciate it! I'm sorry that it's been a couple weeks since I've updated, but I've been really busy. Multiple softball games, a softball tournament (we came in second), multiple papers which were pushed to the side until the last minute (Due tomorrow=Do tomorrow), and a ridiculous amount of drama and bullshit from a guy that we'll just call Reptar (he's a fucking douchebag, I hate him, I want to hit him repeatedly with his own car, which he calls the fucking 'Swaggin Waggon'. Swagging my ass. He drives a fucking Saturn that his parents bought him and he's about as pimpin' as a pimple). Sorry for the rant…it's been a long week.**

**Summary (or premise…which ever you'd prefer):**** Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Buffy Summers is the guidance counselor who really fucking hates her job (and the history teacher…her cheating ex-fiancé Liam 'Angel' O'Connor), Giles is the enthusiastic about his job librarian, Xander the gym teacher, Willow the lesbian computer's teacher, Tara (Willow's lover) the algebra/calc/trig teacher, Anya the incredibly blunt and sexual health/life skills (home economics) teacher, and William 'Spike' Pratt…the new, hot English (as in from England), English teacher, who's got his eye on Buffy, and knows she's secretly eye fucking-I mean, got her eye on him too. And don't forget about Faith, the slutty biology teacher. In addition to a multitude of other characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, what trouble will these teachers get into? Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Drunken rants in the middle of class? Oh my…Follow them throughout the school year and see what happens.**

_**Rated M for use of drugs (nothing hard…just some good ol' Mary-Jane…not that I do that…seriously, I don't. My friends do and sometimes I'm with them when they do it, but I don't. That and doing acid is gross {so I've heard} and I have no experience with cocaine to write that) and alcohol, some sexual situations (nothing too explicit…I'm not quite comfortable writing sex scenes). Also rated M for very strong language.**_

On A Scale of One to Smashed…

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to start a faculty bowling team?

The bright, fluorescent lights of the bowling alley, combined with the noxious smell of grease, and the constant sound of pins crashing against the floor gave Buffy a headache. She sat in the squeaky plastic chair at the scoring booth, watching with mild disinterest and boredom as Giles threw up his arms in victory as he knocked down all the pins. Willow and Tara cheered him on. Buffy sighed and scribbled down his score. Why the fuck as she agreed to this?

Oh, that's right. She was the guidance counselor, and in Principal Traver's own words, "It was her duty to bring the staff together in fun activities such as bowling, in order to create cohesion between everyone, and a better learning environment for the students." _Yeah, fucking right,_ Buffy thought scornfully. _More like an excuse to get incredibly fucking drunk. _Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Angel with Darla, embracing in the next lane over. _Speaking of drinking… _Buffy signaled to the waitress who was circling around the lanes.

"Can I help you ma'am?" the waitress asked Buffy, smiling brightly at her.

_Ma'am? Since when the fuck am I a 'ma'am'? Do I look that old? I'm only twenty-six. _"What's the hardest alcohol you've got?" she questioned. The waitress looked taken aback-it had been well advertised that they were all faculty members at the high school, and she was probably slightly surprised that a schoolteacher was ordering alcohol.

The waitress opened her mouth to speak, but Buffy cut her off. "You know what? Never mind. Just bring a large quality of something that'll get me shitfaced fast."

The waitress nodded and hurried away. Buffy turned her attention back to the scoreboard-Willow had bowled a spare-when she heard a chuckle that was becoming increasingly familiar to her from behind. She turned around in her seat to find Spike leaning casually against the table where everyone's coats and drinks were clustered. She looked him up and down, arching one finely plucked eyebrow at his outfit-tight black jeans, a red t-shirt, and a long, black leather duster. A far cry from his usual teaching duds, but the outfit seemed to suit him.

"Bad night, luv?" Spike drawled, strolling over with a swagger that Buffy could never hope to imitate. He plopped down in the free seat beside her, lounging about as if he owned the place.

"Isn't it always?" Buffy answered dryly. She tilted her head towards the other lane, where Angel was still holding fucking Darla close to him, and Spike's gaze landed on the two. "She's a Pilates instructor, you know? I bet she's pretty bendy in bed, don't you think?"

Spike sounded rather hesitant when he answered. "Probably, I guess."

"She's a whore. I really don't like her." Buffy said flatly. The waitress returned with a bottle of tequila and a shot glass.

"This is the hardest stuff we've got." she told Buffy.

"It'll do." The waitress set the bottle and glass down, then left. Buffy poured herself a helping of tequila. "Do you know that in Spain, as long as you're taller than the bar, you can drink? No matter how old you are." She downed the shot and passed the glass to Spike, who poured himself a shot, and downed it as well.

"I've heard that." Spike said, setting the glass down. Buffy poured herself another shot. "I've always thought that the rules should be like that everywhere. S'not like we can stop the little bastards from drinking in the first place. Might as well make it easier for 'em to get it, without 'em 'aving to resort to illegal means. Save 'em some trouble."

Buffy was silent for a moment, staring pensively at the still full glass. "How could he bring her?" she whispered, hurt coming through her voice. "Did I mean that little to him, that he can't even spare my feelings and not show her off like the stripper she dresses like?"

"S'not your fault, pet." Spike's voice was sympathetic. Buffy had told him the entirety of her and Angel's history, and he had been oddly understanding. "He's just a bloody poofter and didn't deserve you in the first place."

"I agree." Buffy quickly drank her drink, and sighed. "Spike?"

"Yeah, pet?"

"Can we get really fucking shitfaced now please? It'll make me feel better if we do."

Spike flashed Buffy a charming grin. "I was already halfway to shitfaced when I got 'ere, luv."

"Perfect."

**{Page Break}**

"On a scale of one to smashed, how drunk do you think they are?"

Tara Maclay answered her girlfriend's question with a shrug. "I'd have to say that they've flown past smashed and have now entered 'shitfaced' territory."

Tara and Willow sat at the table at their bowling lane and watched from a distance as Spike and Buffy decided that it would be a great idea to make fools out of themselves by doing karaoke.

The two stumbled up onto the makeshift stage, fumbling drunkenly for the microphone. The music started

"_Never knew, I could feel like this, like I've never seen the sky before, I want to vanish inside your kiss, Seasons may change, Winter to spring. But I love you, until the end of time._

"_Come what may,_" Spike sang out, in a surprisingly good voice. "_Come what may, I will love you, Until my dying day._ Fuck you Drusilla! I don't need you anymore!" he shouted as the verse ended. Tara had no idea who Drusilla was, but from the sound of the pain in Spike's voice, she had caused him hurt.

In the next verse, Buffy joined Spike, her thin, high voice mingling with his. "_Suddenly the world seems like such a perfect place. Suddenly the world moves with such a perfect grace. Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste. It all revolves around you._

"_And there's no mountain too high, no river to wide. Sing out this song, I'll be there by your side._

"_Storm clouds may gather and stars may collide. But I love you, until the end of time._

"_Come what may, come what may. I will love you-_" Buffy stopped singing in the middle of the line, and Spike trailed off after her.

"I hate him," she slurred, her eyes wet with tears. "But at the same time, I don't."

"I understand, luv." Spike whispered, throwing his arm around her shoulders, and pulling her close. "All too well, unfortunately."

"We don't need them." Buffy whispered back, moving so that she was face to face with Spike and still very close to him. Oh, God, how she hated being lonely. Spike understood. He understood what it was like to be lonely.

"No," Spike's voice was barely audible. He shuffled closer to her, bending down so that his lips were just above hers. "We don't."

With the music to their song still playing in the background, their lips met. Through her haze of drunkenness, Buffy could barely comprehend what was happening, besides the fact that she knew for certain that Angel had never made her feel like this with a kiss in all of their time together. This was…God, it was like fireworks.

From where they sat, Willow turned to look at her lover with a surprised look on her face. "Well, that was unexpected."

**AN: So, the lyrics are from the movie Moulin Rouge, the song is called Come What May. It's one of my favorites, not gonna lie. The thing about being able to drink in Spain as long as you're taller than the bar is true. I'm friends with the Spanish foreign exchange student at my school, and she told me that while she was telling the rest of the softball team about how bad our parties are here where I live. Her exact words were "You guys just stay at home, drinking and smoking weed, wearing sweatpants and yoga pants. In Spain, we get dressed up, and we go out clubbing and drink and smoke with people in public. Your parties are lame." Lol, just imagine that spoken in a thick Spanish accent. She's adorable(: Sadly, what she said about the parties here is true. If we had some better ones, I might actually attend a few. Then again, I have no life, so I probably wouldn't.**

**Read and Review please!**

**XOXO Ruthless**


	4. How Drunk Were We?

**So, here is chapter four. I updated sooner because I felt bad about how late my last update was. Thank you to mercurystar69, Spike's real lover, and SoUtHeRnBeLLe706 for reviewing! I appreciate it!**

**Summary (or premise…which ever you'd prefer):**** Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Buffy Summers is the guidance counselor who really fucking hates her job (and the history teacher…her cheating ex-fiancé Liam 'Angel' O'Connor), Giles is the enthusiastic about his job librarian, Xander the gym teacher, Willow the lesbian computer's teacher, Tara (Willow's lover) the algebra/calc/trig teacher, Anya the incredibly blunt and sexual health/life skills (home economics) teacher, and William 'Spike' Pratt…the new, hot English (as in from England), English teacher, who's got his eye on Buffy, and knows she's secretly eye fucking-I mean, got her eye on him too. And don't forget about Faith, the slutty biology teacher. In addition to a multitude of other characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, what trouble will these teachers get into? Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Drunken rants in the middle of class? Oh my…Follow them throughout the school year and see what happens.**

_**Rated M for use of drugs (nothing hard…just some good ol' Mary-Jane…not that I do that…seriously, I don't. My friends do and sometimes I'm with them when they do it, but I don't. That and doing acid is gross {so I've heard} and I have no experience with cocaine to write that) and alcohol, some sexual situations (nothing too explicit…I'm not quite comfortable writing sex scenes). Also rated M for very strong language.**_

…How Drunk Were We?

Buffy woke up the next morning feeling better than she had since she and Angel had broken up.

Oh, sure, she had a hangover that under normal circumstances would make her feel like death, and her body ached like she had gotten into a fight at the bowling alley last night and had gotten her ass handed to her (something which would probably never happen; she had done tai kwon do since she was twelve years old and at one point, she had considered opening her own dojo). But at the same time, her body ached in all the _right _places, and she felt a sense of satisfaction down to her very core that she hadn't felt in a long time. That, and the bed was pretty soft too-that helped the overwhelming feeling of satisfaction too. There was a warm body beside her, his arms wrapped around her waist, and his face buried in her hair, and although she couldn't quite remember whose body it was, she sure as hell appreciated the great night they had had together. She snuggled closer to him, her eyes still closed, enjoying the warmth that his body provided her.

He had been at the bowling alley with her, she knew that for certain, but his face was fuzzy in her mind, and she wasn't really comfortable turning around to look at him until she at least had an idea of his name. That was always an awkward occurrence-when you couldn't remember whose name you had been screaming all night long, and you had to fumble around the next morning, playing the Name Game with one another. It was most definitely something Buffy wanted to avoid. She had to deal with enough Awkward Moments while she was at work and putting up with dumbass teenagers; she did not want to put up with any Awkward Moments after having a one night stand with a random stranger too.

Besides her, her partner for the night stirred; Buffy braced herself in preparation to see his face.

Her blood ran cold as a very, very familiar voice broke the silence of the bedroom.

"Bloody 'ell," Spike yawned, shifting slightly. "What a night." He shifted slightly, so that his arms were no longer wrapped around Buffy's waist. Buffy sat frozenly, clutching the sheet to her chest. Oh, God, this wasn't happening. No. No. It couldn't have happened. She had sworn to herself that she wasn't going to get involved with another coworker.

Spike tapped her on the shoulder. "Um, not to be rude, but I can't seem to remember your name, pet."

Buffy turned slowly to face him, slightly relieved that he didn't remember that it was Buffy he had slept with.

Spike's jaw dropped as Buffy looked at him, smiling sheepishly. "Good morning?" she offered awkwardly.

**{Page Break}**

"Soooo…"

"Yeah…"

"Um…"

"I don't…"

"Yeah…"

Buffy and Spike stared at each other, not quite sure how to begin that 'we're coworkers and we drunkenly hooked up last night' conversation. They sat at the kitchen table in Spike's apartment, both of them finally fully clothed-Spike had just gotten clean clothes from his closet, but Buffy had had to go on a bit of a search around the apartment in order to find all of hers. Oddly enough, she had found both her bra and thong in the freezer. It was weird, but truth be told, odder things had happened to her during one night stands before. After several failed starts, Spike finally got the conversation started.

"So, what now?" he questioned.

"This can never happen again." Buffy stated firmly. "We're coworkers, we need to remain professional."

"I agree, pet." Spike said. "But 'ow are we gonna pretend this never happened? I mean, it's awkward enough when you run into people you've 'ad one night stands with in the street, 'ow are we gonna handle seeing each other five days outta the seven days of the week?"

"Well…" Buffy said slowly. "Neither of us remember actually going home with one another, right? We just remember that we, you know-"

"Fucked mindlessly all night long?" Spike suggested dryly, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off of the counter behind him, pulling one out and placing it in between his lips. He lit it and took a long drag; Buffy made a face as he did so, more so because smoking (specifically, cigarettes) was disgusting rather than at his description at their night spent together.

"Yeah, well, when we were in high school, we had a motto for situations like this. 'If you can't remember it, it didn't happen' was how it went. We remember that we had sex-but we don't remember coming back to your place and having sex with each other."

"Meaning…?"

"We both had one night stands, but we were so drunk we couldn't remember who we slept with." Buffy said. "And since neither of us remembers having sex with each other…."

"It never happened." Spike finished. He looked at Buffy appraisingly. "That was your motto back in high school? What kind of shit did you get yourself into, Summers?"

"Crazy shit, mostly." Buffy confessed. "Like, really weird, sometimes kinky, crazy shit. But back to my point. We can't remember it, it didn't happen. Sound good to you?"

"Sounds good, luv." Spike set down his cigarette into the ashtray resting on the table in front of him.

"Good." Both Buffy and Spike were silent. Suddenly, Buffy felt even more awkward than she had before. She fidgeted in seat, looking anywhere but Spike.

"Um, I think I'm going to go home now." Buffy said, her eyes glued to the table's surface. She stood to leave.

"If you don't want to be seen wearin' the same clothes out of the building as you wore in last night, I could probably find somethin' in the closet for you to wear if you'd like." Spike offered, rising from his seat and gesturing towards his bedroom.

"Thanks, but I'm fine." Buffy was kind of touched by his offer. When they had first started sleeping together-before she had moved in with him-Angel had never made such an offer to her, and she knew that he had spare clothes in his closet left over from his previous girlfriends. "Besides, I can really rock that walk of shame, you know." She joked weakly, smiling slightly.

"Bet you can, pet." Spike smiled at her suddenly. Suddenly, Buffy could very clearly remember why-drunk as she had been and after they had already been making out for a while-she had decided to go back to Spike's place with him last night.

He had a very nice smile.

"So, I'll see you at school on Monday?" Buffy asked, her hand on the door knob. She didn't know why, but she felt a bit like a teenager again, with all these awkward morning after conversations and the whole 'We slept together, let's never talk about it again, I'll see you at school on Monday' thing.

"Right. See you at school."

"Bye," Buffy stepped outside into the hallway, shutting the door behind her. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, and trying to let go of any residual urge she had to go back into Spike's apartment and jump his bones. Again.

When she thought she had herself fully under control, she opened her eyes, only to find the old woman who lived across the hall staring at Buffy disapprovingly, her judgment of Buffy very clear in her eyes. Buffy made a face at the old woman.

"Don't look at me like," Buffy told her. "You're not God. You don't know me."

The old woman harrumphed and turned around, going back into her apartment.

Buffy turned to leave.

**AN: This chapter is actually a couple hundred words longer than my normal chapters. Yeahhhh! Anyhoo, I'll probably update again possibly…tomorrow? I don't have anything going on as far as I know, and it's not like I need an excuse to sit at home by myself on the computer. So yeah…that's about it for today.**

**Questions, comments, concerns? Leave me a review. Tell me what you think.**

**XOXO Ruthless**


	5. Denial is Good Denial is Great

**So here it is…chapter five. **

**Summary (or premise…which ever you'd prefer):**** Welcome to Sunnydale Public High School, where the students are bad and the teachers are worse. Buffy Summers is the guidance counselor who really fucking hates her job (and the history teacher…her cheating ex-fiancé Liam 'Angel' O'Connor), Giles is the enthusiastic about his job librarian, Xander the gym teacher, Willow the lesbian computer's teacher, Tara (Willow's lover) the algebra/calc/trig teacher, Anya the incredibly blunt and sexual health/life skills (home economics) teacher, and William 'Spike' Pratt…the new, hot English (as in from England), English teacher, who's got his eye on Buffy, and knows she's secretly eye fucking-I mean, got her eye on him too. And don't forget about Faith, the slutty biology teacher. In addition to a multitude of other characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, what trouble will these teachers get into? Smoking confiscated weed in the staff room? Hot, angry sex on the teacher's desk? Drunken rants in the middle of class? Oh my…Follow them throughout the school year and see what happens.**

_**Rated M for use of drugs (nothing hard…just some good ol' Mary-Jane…not that I do that…seriously, I don't. My friends do and sometimes I'm with them when they do it, but I don't. That and doing acid is gross {so I've heard} and I have no experience with cocaine to write that) and alcohol, some sexual situations (nothing too explicit…I'm not quite comfortable writing sex scenes). Also rated M for very strong language.**_

Denial is Good. Denial is Great. (Deny, Deny, Deny)

After leaving Spike's place late Saturday morning, Buffy spent the rest of the day hanging out with Willow, eager to forget about her-well, unforgettable night with Spike. However, that didn't seem to be happening.

"So, you and Spike seemed pretty friendly at the bowling alley." Willow mentioned, and watched in amusement as Buffy choked on the cereal she had been eating, her face turning a very unattractive shade of red.

"Wh-wh-what do you mean?" Buffy stuttered when she was through choking. Willow and Tara exchanged glances.

"Well…" Tara started to say something, but stopped.

"Tell me." Buffy said grimly.

"You sort of made-out on the karaoke stage." Tara confessed. Buffy's face turned an awful shade of white.

"Ohmygod."

"And then he started feeling you up."

"Oh, no."

"And then…" Tara looked hesitantly at Willow, who nodded at her grimly. Buffy tried to prepare herself for whatever bad things she had done in public with Spike next.

"You tried to give him a blowjob on the stage. But he stopped you and then you guys left."

Buffy sank down into her seat, trying to hide her face from the two lovers. Oh God. Someone kill her now. Before Monday, preferably, so she didn't have to face any of her coworkers. And while they were at, they could kill Spike too. Thank God for small miracles-at least he'd had the decency to stop her before she actually performed the act, drunk as they both were.

"Kill me." Buffy mumbled. She looked up suddenly at Willow. "How many people saw?"

"Um, twenty or so…"

"How many people that we work with, I mean."

"Um, just, you know, Xander and Anya…and Angel…Darla too."

It was at that moment that Buffy sincerely wished for a do-over button, with which she would go back in time, and just never come to the bowling alley in the first place. She would never have seen Angel and Darla together, which was the reason why she started drinking in the first place. Therefore, she never would have gotten drunk and decided that fucking Spike all night long would be a good idea.

Or she could just shoot herself before Monday came. That would work too.

"Fuck me." Buffy moaned, her head in her hands. She spoke in a muffled voice. "Well, now that whole 'if you can't remember it, it never happened' plan has flown out the window. Jesus Christ. Fuck."

"Did you two…go home together?" Tara asked hesitantly, taking a sip from the cup of tea in her hands.

_Deny everything, deny everything, deny everything. If you can't remember it, it never happened. Deny, deny, deny. Denial is good. Denial is great, _Buffy chanted in her head before answering Tara's question. "Of course not." Buffy said, hoping she sounded convincing.

"You aren't lying, are you?" Willow questioned. "You know you can tell me anything, right? I won't hate you, or disapprove, or judge, or anything like that."

Buffy felt a twinge of guilt. Willow was her best friend. They had been best friends in high school, and roomates in college-until she met Tara and figured out she was gay, that is-and they had always remained close with each other. Buffy normally told Willow everything-but she and Spike had both agreed to lie. They would pretend that that night had never happened and they would deny everything when asked. Denial was good. Denial was great.

"Of course I'm not lying." Buffy forced a smile. Willow smiled back, completely believing her.

Oh, God. She was a terrible person.

**(Page Break)**

Saturday night found Buffy alone in her apartment, lounging on her couch, reading Cosmo and taking slow sips from a beer. From her iPod docking station floated out the music of Maroon Five. This had been her Saturday night routine-if she didn't go out with some of her friends-since she and Angel had broken up. And for the longest time, she had been perfectly content with it.

But not tonight.

Tonight, she found that she was incredibly bored of both her Cosmo and her music and her beer (to be completely honest) tasted like shit. She was desperately bored and not in the mood to stay home. She wanted to go out and party. But who to party with?

Buffy set down her Cosmo and glanced at the clock on her wall. It was only 11:00 p.m. She thought about who she could call to go out with.

Willow and Tara would be in bed already-they really didn't party that much anymore, now that they were older. Anya and Xander were out of town, visiting Anya's parents. Giles-well, Giles was in his forties and Buffy highly doubted he had ever partied, even in his youth, to begin with. Faith, maybe-but Buffy didn't feel like going out to find men just to fuck with, then move on to find the next poor sap willing to go for a round.

That left only one person.

After a moment's hesitation, Buffy reached over to where her phone lay on the coffee table. She punched in a few buttons, and put the phone up to her ear.

"'ello?" A familiar British voice said on the other side of the phone.

"Hey, Spike." Buffy greeted. "You wanna go out tonight?"

**AN: Okay, so it's been awhile since I've updated. I've been grounded off of the computer, and it's been crazy, with volleyball camp, and basketball open gyms, and workouts. Anyway, I apologize for not updating sooner and I would like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Review please!**

**XOXO Ruthless**


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